on consistency

Why do I struggle with it so much? Resistance, push and pull. Want but desire overtakes the body becoming greed. Cosmic out of this worldly feeling kind of ambition, the fear which stops me.

it has been heart grappling not writing and updating my live journal. I write about it because its part of the whole trip and the experience of traveling with a partner. So much has happened and every day the images and thoughts have piled up into the database which I keep promising myself I will access later. But holla to my writers out there. We know the deal, you wont write shit later, unless you wake up, get out of bed and pen the mantras you keep thinking you'll remember in the morning. I exchange wish washy wishes for passwords to try and unlock my flow. i give in to laziness. I am on holiday after all. excuses. I think I need a continuity keeper like on the movie sets. i get so hard on myself sometimes. but the universe sends me reminders to chill out.

I seem to believe that I need to slide into a very solitary space to write and reflect instead of BEING the writing, living it, letting the writing slide onto the bus I'm riding, the bus stop I'm waiting at, the minutes before sleep etc. I self sabotage myself, make up the story that someone or something is going to distract me just as I glide into the zone. and it happens. and my cells fill with agitation. and anger surfaces. and i just want to drown back into my dream world and leave everyone behind. wow. im being shakily honest here. surprise.

So I'm adjusting my attitude and awareness so that I can summon my dreams freshly. Because today I learned that 98% of our genetic potential has no known function, so when in our waking state, we only use something like 2% of our genetic potential. Supposedly this is quantifiable and measurable but that 98% seems to be inaccessible somehow because its not flowing into our cellular structure (or experienced in human's biological reality)

When the cells are hit with high wave length short frequency energy patterns changes in the coding sequences on our genes take place which are essentially an organization of chemicals and through our feelings... our attitudes and awareness, it is suggested that we can help this invisible potential through into the cellular structure.

So is attempting to consciously create my reality and define the experiences i have as opposed to allowing the experiences/things happening define me, too grand? impossible? its mad scientist time a la Spencer Butt i think. i feel like I'm also channeling Brendan Mcleods poem on Human potential!

also

the strands of DNA in our bodies are a hundred billion miles long and could reach the sun
400 000 times over.

i know it all sounds fluffy wuffy but this is all supposedly researched at Stanford University by some quantum physicists.

okay. back to papaya golden rain boogy part 2.